Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Something I don't want to share

I'm going to share a fact about myself that I don't want to share and that I don't want anybody to know. Here it is:

Not counting my parents, three different people have held me in their embrace while I was crying. All three of them were women.

Only one of them is someone that I still keep in regular contact with.


Tracie said...

I don't think I could even list the number of people who have seen me cry. I've cried and been hugged by complete strangers before. And I'm not embarrassed by that because I don't personally see showing my feelings as a weakness.

I am curious about your motivation for sharing this. Why would this be something you don't want to share? I have some ideas, but I'd rather discuss the reasons behind it, if you feel comfortable doing so.

Jacob I. McMillan said...

It's not about appearing weak for me, it's more about trust. Emotions are personal things that I don't like to share in general. For some reason, it seems as if to share them would be to insist that they are important and deserving of your attention. Not to mention it's sensitive information that could be used against me.

So I'm paranoid and secretive and didn't quite realize it until just now.

Tracie said...

Your feelings are important. Always. Even if they're irrational or contradictory or illogical or whatever. And your feelings deserve to be heard and validated by others.

It's true that we can't equally trust every person that comes our way, but it's also true that feelings were meant to be expressed, not hidden or repressed. The negative ones continue to persist when they are ignored or hidden.

I used to be a "bottler" but then I realized that life is easier if I just say how I feel and work through the feelings. (For instance if I'm feeling insecure, I'm upfront about feeling that way and telling people that I feel that way helps relieve those feelings since I'm usually reassured by others.)

Not that a person needs to go up to everyone on the street and say how he or she is doing. There are some boundaries and appropriate ways and times to share. But I really do think that emotional connection with others is one of the greatest parts of being human. I'm one of those who believes that if you give people the chance, they often surprise you. Sure you get let down and hurt occasionally, but in the debate of "is man good or evil" I come out firmly on the side of "man is good." I have to believe that otherwise I'd lose all hope in the world. And living without hope can be a very sad and scary thing.

I hope there are people in your life that you realize you can trust to support you. The people who care about you (and I'm sure there are many) think that how you feel about things is important. I know because I'm one of them. :)