Monday, September 22, 2008

Take 2 NyQuil and go back to bed

When I think back on my life, I tend to selectively only pick out the highest and lowest points. If necessary, I even have to exaggerate whatever happened in order to make it feel more relevant. It's all just an attempt to overlook the fact that the majority of my life is spent in the large gray space in between one extreme and the other. We don't commit the mundane to memory, I guess precisely because it makes up something like easily 85% of all experience. And I can deal with that, even if it means my future self won't have the greatest time reminiscing.

I read something in my wife's journal about something I did just last year that I honestly have no memory of; at least when I read it I didn't remember it. Now that some time has gone by, I do seem to remember it. But I wonder what everyone else remembers about me that I forgot immediately. It's a horrible thought that I don't want to follow for very long because all I can focus on are the things I wish I had forgotten. I could believe I've done amazing things, but the truth is I know most of it's all been somewhere in the middle. Unremarkable.

And I don't think that makes me special in any regard, either. Most of all human activity is in this category. I just can't come up with any reason why every single thing we do shouldn't be extraordinary.

Sunday, September 7, 2008


Not really sure how this is supposed to work, but here:

Quirk: a peculiarity of action, behavior, or personality; mannerism.


1. I flap my hands around making stupid gestures in conversation. They are ineffective and don't help convey my point in any way, but I love making them.

2. Going up stairs I almost always - ALWAYS I mean - trip my foot up one of the steps. It's almost impossible for me to ascend a flight of stairs without doing this. Luckily I'm so used to this I don't fall down on my hands anymore.


3. I don't know how this is different from action, but I judge. I do it all day long. Everything I look at, everything I think about. NO ONE IS SAFE FROM THE MIGHTY JUDGMENT RAY. I can't turn off my opinion of everything filter and just let things be. I have to turn it into some drawn out conceptualization of what I think it should be. But I think most people do this.

4. When I'm pulled up next to someone at a stop light I instinctively turn my music down or roll the window up. Like I don't want to share the tunes with them or something. Because screw everybody; music is for me only.


5. Don't have much of one actually, but I have learned the hard way that social interaction does simply not come naturally to me. I have to twist my own arm just to say hello to someone. Maybe because I'm too busy judging all the time to

6. Actually my problem might be that I have this pressing need to not blend in. I need to stand apart from everything, probably so I can judge it more wisely. Because I like to be invited to participate, but not necessarily forced to. This has become depressing very quickly and I regret doing it.


9. I can't breathe through my nose and I HATE the thought of being a mouth-breather. So when I'm stuck in a public place I usually cover part of my face with my hand so I can increase my chances of getting oxygen to flow through my nostrils without drawing attention to the fact that my nose sucks at breathing. Oh, how I wish I could breathe through my nose.


Wednesday, September 3, 2008


This is my new blog. Remind me to update it sometime.