Wednesday, July 6, 2011
The persistence of memory
Of course I always knew that time would seem to accelerate exponentially as I got older. What I didn't expect was that things that happened so recently would feel like they happened forever ago. The cliche I heard the most about growing up was that everything feels like it happened "only yesterday". That's not been my experience.
What I didn't forsee was that my life would split into two phases. I can draw a clear line between Before I Found Out Wendy Was Pregnant and After I Found Out Wendy Was Pregnant, and everything B.I.F.O.W.W.P. seems like it came from an entirely different life than A.I.F.O.W.W.P. And I realize now that this is how I will view the rest of my life. My memories from before that time will always seem far, far removed from where I am today, no matter how vivid they are or how closely they resemble my current life. And my memories from after will always seem like they just happened, even though so much has changed since then.
I'm kind of OK with this. I can pinpoint the exact moment where I became old, or at least where I came to terms with the age I am. And my life changed in so many ways that it's not even recognizable with what it used to be like. There are times when I miss my life B.I.F.O.W.W.P., but I had plenty of that life, I know what it was like, and it's impossible to go back to that, so there's not a whole lot of point in dwelling on it.
What this is all saying is that I'm now in the second phase of my life, and I'm only now just realizing it. There may be more, but this is definitely a distinctly second phase. Maybe there will be a time someday where this phase feels like it happened much longer ago than it does now. It seems like it would take something pretty drastic to transition into another phase, though. It took having a kid just to have more than one.